Abby and Norma #507

12 August, 2009 - Posted by: erika

double if it's a football night

This is one of my unpopular views about division of domestic labor. If you don't care about a task, then you shouldn't be the one to do it, because, face it, you'd do a sucky job anyway. (And yes, I am married. I do all the cleaning, because I care how the apartment looks. John does all the cooking, because he cares how the food tastes. It's a very fair, enjoyable living arrangement.)

My other unpopular view is that, in a relationship where one partner has a paid job and the other stays home, the one with the paid job should not be expected to help with the housework. I mean, then that person would be doing both the paid job and the housework, while the other would only be doing housework, and that would be unfair.

Unless there were children, of course, because children and housework add up to way more work than any paid job. (And yes, I'm married, and no, we don't have children, and yes, we both have jobs, but I used to be the sole breadwinner. Which actually put me in an odd situation, because according to Unpopular View #1, I should have been the one cleaning, whereas according to Unpopular View #2, I should not have been the one cleaning. Perhaps my views are contradictory as well as unpopular. I'll have to give this some thought.)



TEXT OF COMIC:
So how are things going with your latest boyfriend, Cathy?
Terrible.
I'm always the one who has to cook and clean! He's never so much as touched the stove or the vacuum cleaner in all the time we've been together! It's so unfair!
Well, go on strike. Let the place get messy. Let him go without dinner. See how he likes it.
That wouldn't help! He wouldn't care. Left to his own devices he'd live in a pile of garbage and eat potato chips for dinner every night. That's how men are.
Wait, then why are you expecting him to cook and clean? Nobody should ever be expected to do something in their household if they don't even care about the results. The person who wants the thing done should be responsible for doing it.
I mean, suppose he wanted a toolshed built in the backyard, and you didn't give a crap whether it got built or not. Should he expect you to help build it?
I don't have a backyard, remember? I live in a dorm. He only visits on Saturday nights.
And you still expect him to clean? How much of a mess can a guy make in one Saturday night?
You'd be surprised.
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Comments

matthew - 12 August, 2009 - 04:46:18

I basically agree, and reconcile the two with the concept of "partnership". It's not just about what you want, it's also about making your partner happy.

"Reasonableness" also factors in - it's unfair for someone to ask their partner to live in unreasonable sloth, or to ask their partner to clean to unreasonable perfection.

matthew - 12 August, 2009 - 04:47:41

Also: Cathy has a stove in her dorm?

Erika - 12 August, 2009 - 08:18:46

"Reasonableness" is a good point. Can be tough, though, when the two don't agree on what is reasonable.

And as for the stove... well, I had a stove in two of the three dorms I lived in during college. All the dorm buildings except the freshman building came with a fully equipped kitchen for each individual dorm. Do most colleges not have that? Maybe I was just lucky.

Jitterro - 12 August, 2009 - 08:58:38

None of the dorms here at UCLA have kitchens :( Of course, since the dorms are also tiny (we get way too many people here, so they get crammed together pretty tightly), I'm not surprised. They even try to get on our case for having electric tea kettles.

The university apartments, on the other hand, all have kitchens. The studio I'm in right now has a full kitchen that's actually pretty nice.

I'd say you were pretty lucky :)

Rodrigo - 12 August, 2009 - 11:33:47

On a totally unrelated note: Thanks, Erika! I just got talked to at the coffee shop *because* I was wearing your 'vowels are odd' t-shirt.

I haven't yet quite figured out the social implications of chit chat between near strangers, but it's usually a good thing, isn't it?

jogiff - 12 August, 2009 - 20:57:31

All the dorms I stayed at had kitchens, but almost no one knew about them because they were also the janitor's closet. And the few people who did know about them didn't use them very often because if you left food in the fridge, the food would be stolen.

matthew - 13 August, 2009 - 07:26:25

We certainly didn't have kitchens in our dorm rooms. I think there was a kitchen somewhere in the building for use by residents, but it didn't have much to offer - maybe a microwave.

I never heard of dorms with a fully equipped kitchen for each room. Maybe the times have changed. My school's dorms were at the nice end - we had a bathroom/shower for every two rooms. At that time, most other schools' dorms had shared bathrooms and showers down the hall.

erika - 13 August, 2009 - 08:47:13

OK, I guess I had an unusually posh college. It was just Augsburg College in Minneapolis, which isn't even one of the more expensive Minneapolis colleges, but it seems to be on the high end of colleges in general. Thanks, guys, for making me feel so lucky.

And, Rodrigo, I'm so happy that the t-shirt got you some attention. Yes, strangers talking to you about your t-shirt is usually a good thing, unless they're yelling insults. Here's hoping for many more good conversations!

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