Vienna Journal

Sun 5/25 19:24

Well, it didn't rain and I didn't act like a maniac the whole time. It went pretty well.

We saw the Stift Melk monastery, with its elaborately painted and gilded church and its library full of old, hand-written books. Afterwards we walked in the gardens and I saw a very colorful

bird that just sat there and sang even when I walked close. I couldn't find it in my bird book at the dorm afterwards. I'll have to ask Mom.

Then we took a

boat to Durnstein, where some of the group hiked up to see a famous

ruin , but I was too tired.

The friend I mentioned on May 19 is leaving for his home in Oregon tomorrow morning. We spent a lot of time together yesterday and today, eating pizza, looking at the stars down by the river, going to the art museum, and that sort of thing. I am going to miss him very much.

Tue 5/27 19:55

More crazy stuff about classes.

I found out that in order to get a grade in either of my University classes, I have to fill out some kind of form, but I'm not sure just how to get it and what to do with it. In addition, for aesthetics class I have to write a paper on the same topic I gave my presentation on, but I'm expected to take three semesters to work on it, and I won't be here three semesters!

I'd do it early, but I don't know how many pages it has to be, and how much effort should be put into it... does it have to have quotes from multiple sources, an opinion of my own and arguments to support it? Or just expanding a bit on the presentation I gave? I'll have to ask.

Grrr... At my school at home, they would have given us a sheet explaining in detail how to write the paper.

Well, maybe the prof will give us a sheet like that at the end of the semester. Most students are going to work on it for three semesters, after all, and if it's something I can't do in a month, I might need to do it over the summer and mail it to him.

Mom, meanwhile, is trying to talk me into doing another semester abroad, this time in Spain. I still need three Spanish classes for my major. She says it would be easier to find them in Spain. I am not sure I could handle another semester abroad. We are trying to come to some agreement.

But at least she's identified the bird I saw at Melk. It's a "Buchfink"... "chaffinch" in English.

Wed 5/28 14:18

Went to Schoenbrunn with the class today. Toured the

palace . Then I went by myself past the

palm house to the zoo, and saw, among other things,

cheetahs ,

elephants ,

tigers ,

prairie dogs ,

vicunas, capybaras , and

Nandu birds .

There were little tiny monkeys, and hippopotamuses with a baby, and a building where you could walk right in with the little tropical birds, and I took pictures but they turned out lousy.

I also saw the famous new pandas, and a lemur with its baby on its back, but I couldn't photograph them because I would have needed flash, and they both had glass in front of them, and no flash was allowed in the panda house anyway.

But it was still a lovely experience, and I'm glad I went, even though the one-person admission was rather expensive.

Fri 5/30 15:51

It seems that I don't have to fill out the "Zeugnis" form for Aesthetics, because we don't have a test, just a writing assignment. I still haven't found out how many pages that should be, though. From what Ruth and the students in the group say, I guess it's probably around 20 or 30 pages. And I still have to find out about the form for Fin-de-Siecle. I'll ask in class on Monday.

Some of the students are being very sweet and preparing a birthday party for me on Monday evening. My birthday is Sunday, but they can't manage one then. I think I will travel this weekend anyway. I'll just go to the train station tomorrow, and see where the trains are going, and pick one. I really have to use up my Eurail passes. Maybe Graz.

My tonsil is still a bit swollen. I had gargled with salt water the other night, on the suggestion of someone from my group, and the next day the swelling had been worse, so I thought I must be having a bad reaction to that particular treatment. But later I decided to give it another chance, and now I've been gargling with salt water about two or three times daily for a few days, and I think I'm getting better. I don't know. If it stays bad too long, I'll have to see a doctor.

Sat 5/31 11:46

I'm on a train, in Wien Suedbahnhof, waiting for it to leave at 11:57. I think it's headed toward Graz. There really isn't any reason to believe it isn't... the schedule I have in my pack says a train is leaving this station at 11:57 and going to Graz, the schedule on the wall by this track shows a train to Graz leaving here at that time, and I heard several people mention Graz as they got into this train. It's just my paranoid nature that makes me think it might be the wrong one. I have that fear every time I get on a train, and it seldom has any basis in reality, so I've started ignoring the feeling.

It's a strange experience, not to really care where I'm going. If this train somehow turns out to be going to some other city, it won't ruin my weekend. It's a good feeling. I think I'm going to enjoy traveling for fun.

13:35

The train has gotten about halfway there or more. The first half, I shared the compartment with a nice lady and her 21-month-old boy. The kid was adorable, but seemed to feel that there was not enough to do in a little train compartment for half an hour. He was constantly trying to find things to do, like stick his hands in the garbage container, demand bottles of milk, play with my flashlight and compass and watch, open suitcases (indiscriminately as to whether they were mine or his mother's) and climb everything that would let itself be climbed. He was cute enough to get away with it, but I was still pretty exhausted by the time the train got to their station.

I don't know what I will do when I get to Graz. There is supposed to be a nice park there. It's also said to be a "Kulturstadt" this year. I'm not sure what that means... art displays, theater, traditional dance, some kind of festivals? Or is it just some sort of recognition a city can get for being culturally rich? I guess I'll find out when I get there.

16:43

I'm in Graz. There doesn't seem to be much of interest near the hotel where I'm staying, but I've found a decent-looking restaurant.

I'm waiting for my food at one of the outside tables. The sparrows here are shameless. Well, I guess I don't know what they ought to be ashamed of, though some people seem to think that sparrows should hide in holes their entire lives in abject mortification just for being sparrows. These ones certainly don't. They come right up and sit on the table. Here comes my food... they'll steal it off my plate if I'm not careful. Gotta go.

17:59

I haven't succeeded in finding any beautiful park or cultural center yet. If I rode the buses I might find something, but I don't know how to get a bus ticket, or how late the buses run, or whether there is always a bus back from everyplace you go on a bus. There don't seem to be subways and streetcars here, just buses.

Well, I have most of the day tomorrow. The last train back to Vienna leaves at 21:23. And I still have some time this evening.

19:56

I found stuff to do! There are streetcars after all-- I took one into the center of the city and looked around for a while.

There were some

clock

towers with neat-looking onion shaped domes, and some statues commemorating various things, and an

elevator that didn't go anywhere, just up and down a tall glass elevator shaft in the middle of the park, apparently so people could go up high and get a good view of stuff. There were some important-looking buildings, including

one that looked kind of like a palace, and

one that is still being built, but will be an art museum and have a

really weird shape when it is done.

There is also a Sacher-Masoch Festival, and a

museum with an exhibit on "visions of masochism in art." Apparently Mr. Sacher-Masoch is sort of a cult hero in Graz, because he was among the first people to write openly about masochism. In fact, it's named after him. After his second name, that is. I don't know what "Sacher" means, except that a Sachertorte is a kind of chocolate cake.

It looks so weird and interesting I can't resist checking it out tomorrow. I'm also going to another

museum exhibit , one on the history of gold, because I like looking at shiny things. I think it will be a quite satisfactory way to spend my birthday.

Sun 6/1 13:18

It was indeed satisfactory. Even the way there was beautiful. To get to the museums, I got off the streetcar at Schlossberg, where there is a breathtaking view of a

castle up on a cliff . And the museums themselves were as interesting as I expected. But I didn't spend as much time in them as I'd foreseen, and I'm already on my way back to Vienna.

I'm 22 years old today. This has seemed like the longest year of my life. All this studying abroad. I feel 25. I guess that's good. Life is short and you've got to pack as much into it as possible. When you feel that your life is going slower than it is, I guess it means you've succeeded in doing that.

17:43

I got back to Vienna, then went to Heiligenstadt and rode the bus to Kahlenberg, because John (my friend who went home the other weekend) had told me there was a great view of the city.

He was right, you can

see forever from up there, and there's also a nice forest with walking paths. I would have gone on a long walk, but there were hills, and the path was damp, and slugs as big as snakes were crossing it everywhere. I couldn't imagine any worse way to fall down a hill than slipping on a giant slug.

Mon 6/2 17:29

Today has been nice. I was feeling pretty sleepy in the morning and didn't know if I would be able to do much participating in theater class, but once the discussion started, I got interested and contributed a lot.

Then the other students brought me a piece of chocolate cake with green marzipan frosting and sang to me. Tonight at 19:00 I'm meeting some of them for a little party they've prepared at the Grosse Schiffgasse dorm. Everyone's been so nice!

I am feeling a little weak and shaky today. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten much real food. I had some strawberries for breakfast, then the cake, then a Sachertorte at the cafe. I just don't seem to be hungry for square meals lately. I wonder what's wrong.

I don't think it helped, in any case, that I ordered a "peach spritzer" with my Sachertorte, and a "peach spritzer" turned out to be something alcoholic. Normally I wouldn't have drunk it, because I'm not supposed to have alcohol because of my medications, and I don't like the taste of it anyway. But the alcohol taste in this was pretty mild, and I figured it couldn't be enough to react much with my meds, and I had paid 1.60 for it, and didn't want to waste it (or go through the unpleasantness of asking the waitress to exchange it for something else).

I'm not feeling any serious effects from it, anyway. I'm shaky, but I was shaky all day. For a while I felt uncomfortably warm, but that could have been from walking from Lange Gasse to Schottentor in this hot June weather.

I think I'll survive.

18:47

Budget Note:

I am planning to take several weekend trips before the end of my time here in Europe. I have allowed myself to spend 100 euros per week for daily life, but I realize that I spend enough on weekend trips to tip me over budget on a regular basis. On my trip to Graz, I spent 122.10, just on food, lodging, museum visits and the like.

So I have decided to treat each vacation as a week of its own. While I allot myself 100 euros for the entire time during each week that I stay in Vienna, I will allot an additional 100 for any time I spend on a trip between those weeks. If I go over budget for a trip, I will carry the excess into the next week or weeks, as I do when I go over a week's budget. For example, in Graz, I spent 22.10 more than my allotted 100, so now I am allowing myself 11.05 less than usual for this week and 11.05 less than usual for the week of June 8.

This coming weekend, though, I doubt I will need money, because I am going to the Waldviertel with Uli and Karl and Hansi. They will provide me a place to sleep at their house, and give me enough food for 4 people.

Wed 6/4 9:24

The party on Monday night was very nice. We had calzones, which were delicious, even though the name means underpants in Spanish. For dessert we had strawberries with Nutella. Beth gave me presents: a mug with pictures of oranges on it, a chocolate bar, a comb and a bar of soap.

Yesterday there was a strike and no subways, streetcars or buses were running. I had to take a taxi to and from my class. It was expensive and I didn't like it as much as the usual public transportation. There were traffic jams and it was hot.

This morning I am going to have ice cream at Tichy, just for the heck of it. Tichy is a famous ice cream parlor that, among other specialties, makes ice cream in the shapes of various foods, like spaghetti or apricot dumplings. I had been there on previous trips with my parents, but I couldn't remember where it was, so I looked the address up in a phone book and then found it on a map and took the subway there. Now I am waiting for the place to open. I have another half hour.

11:42

My snack at Tichy was great. I had ice cream spaghetti. I had tried it on another trip to Austria when I was very little, and hadn't liked it because it had so many dried fruits in it, but this time I liked the dried fruits.

I don't know what else to do today. It's still quite a few hours before I have 20th century literature class at the Central College office.

Fri 6/6 11:15

Waiting for aesthetics class to begin. One of the other students said the paper should be between 15 and 20 pages. Double spaced? What size margins? What font size? Who knows. I didn't want to interrogate anyone. But I have to find out somehow. Or maybe I'll just guess.

The other day we went to a play: Der Tollste Tag. It was incredibly delightfully weird. Men in corsets and codpieces, men in dresses, men kissing each other, old women lusting after young men, old men lusting after young women, murder, corruption, revolution-- and it was required for theater class! Life here is great.

I leave for the Waldviertel this afternoon. Uli will call me at some point and tell me when and where we have to meet. I think it will be fun. I like the woods.

18:29

I met Hansi and Uli and Farzan at Karl and Hansi's apartment. Karl is already at their house in the Waldviertel. We are on our way there.

21:24

Finally there. Wow, this brings back memories. I recognize all the old smells of the place and everything.

We just had a good dinner and I've been put in the room next to Uli & Farzan's room. I hope I get a chance to go walking in the woods tomorrow. But now I'm tired.

Sat 6/7 13:41

No walking in the woods yet. I woke up in time for breakfast, ate it and then slept until lunch. They say the air out here makes you sleepy. And now it's raining.

Lunch has made me so full I don't know how I'm going to eat dinner. This evening we're going to visit an aunt in Schoenbuehel who always has lots of cakes and things for her guests.

And even if I somehow manage to take part in the eating, I will surely be left out of the conversation. My strongest memory from the last time I met her was that she spoke such heavy dialect that I didn't understand a word she said. We still laugh about how Mom thought this aunt was talking about peacocks when she was actually talking about piglets. There's less similarity between the German words for peacocks and piglets than the English ones-- in German peacock is "Pfau" and piglet is "Ferkel"-- but she pronounced "Ferkel" as if it were "Farl" or "Faell" or something, and the misunderstanding happened.

I wonder when we're going. It's kind of nice just to sit here in my room and listen to the rain. But I'd like to get out a little, too.

20:10

Well, we talked and had cake at her house, where I met a nice

dog and chickens, and then I went walking for a while by myself after we got back, but it was hot and there were a lot of bugs, so I came back within an hour. I'm tired again. Yaaaawwwnnn.

Mon 6/9 17:37

I'm on the way back with Uli & Farzan. I spent most of the time in the Waldviertel sleeping, wandering in the

woods , and reading. It was a relaxing experience.

19:50

I'm back at my dorm now. The ride was nice, with a lot of beautiful views, although there were some scary winding mountain roads. But we made it back safe.

Thu 6/12 9:44

Didn't sleep at all last night. Spent whole ENTIRE night at computer writing Aesthetics paper. Double spaced, 3.5 cm margins, 12pt font, 30pt paragraph spacing, title taking up half a page, and I still barely managed 15 pages. Most of it descriptions of plays I went to, loosely tied into aesthetics theme. There Is Not A Lot To Talk About On The Subject Of "Die Verwandlung Ins Gebilde Und Die Totale Vermittlung: Die Aesthetische Nichtunterscheidung" !!!

16:58

Somewhat more satisfied with paper now. Got title smaller and body bigger, printed it in Central College Office.

Promising self not to look at it until after term ends, avoid finding things to change & wanting to print it again. Is as good right now as it needs to be, in current opinion. Ties between plays & theme not really that loose, though definitely some stuff in there just for filling space. Will give it to prof on last day.

Got Zeugnis forms, filled them out partly, hope I wrote right stuff. Have to ask Ruth tomorrow or some time.

Think I will nap until late evening now. Then maybe use internet. So tired cannot write complete sentences.

Fri 6/13 6:01

Well, my nap lasted until two in the morning, and then I lay around in bed half awake until a few hours later, and then took a shower, and now I am on the University campus because I had an urge to get out.

I bought a doughnut at the Alser Strasse station, and as I was getting it, I heard my name and turned around to see a guy I'd never met before, standing there waiting for an answer to his question. Oh my gosh, I thought, he just asked me, "Is your name Erika?"

I said yes, and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to tell me how he knew that.

"I was there," he said, smiling. "In New York."

I smiled back, confusedly but politely, and went to the streetcar stop. I've never been to New York, and I stood there puzzling over it, until it hit me what must have happened: He hadn't asked me if my name was Erika, he'd asked me if I was from America. Just my luck that the one word that rhymes with my name is the country I live in, so I have to spend my life hearing it and thinking people are talking about me. It's like "air conditioner"... I never hear that without thinking for the first half second that it's my name.

And then I realized I'd forgotten to pay for my doughnut, and had to go back and pay and make an embarrassed apology to the vendor. The guy was still there. "So that's how it is in America?" he said.

10:40

Got online at the internet cafe, checked my email. Now I am in the classroom waiting for aesthetics class. It's HOT out. It's hotter in here. It's probably even hotter in Spain.

Mom has managed to talk me into taking spring semester there, though. I think I can handle it. Anyway, I have the summer and the fall semester to make plans.

16:39

Do you know how lazy I am feeling right now? Well, it took me a long time to overcome my laziness enough to write this entry. Five minutes ago, if I could have written in my diary without moving, this is what I would have written:

I am lying on my back staring at something that is either a bug or a little hole in the wall. And either it is crawling very slowly or I am imagining that it is crawling. I would look closer at it, but I don't particularly care whether it is a bug or a hole in the wall, I am just curious about whether it is crawling. If I looked closer, I would have a good chance of being able to tell whether it was a bug or a hole, and if it were a hole, I would know it hadn't been crawling, but if it were a bug, I would not know whether it had been crawling. So I have a fifty percent chance or less of being able to satisfy my curiosity about this thing, and a fifty percent chance or less is not worth sitting up far enough to look closer at it.

That is how lazy I have been feeling.

Sat 6/14 13:59

I'm going to Graz again. I guess I went the first time without a clear idea of what I was going to do, and just checked out the first few things that caught my attention. When I got back, a lot of people gave me advice about what one should see in Graz, and so I am in a train now, going back there.

I am going to try and see the armory, with all the knights' outfits, and go up to the top of Schlossberg. There is also some kind of fort on a hill which I want to see because I have a vague memory of being there as a very little kid, and I want to see what it looks like to me now. Actually, pretty much all I remember is that there was a coin-operated pink snail there that kids could ride on. It would be neat if it were still there.

21:17

Well, I emailed Mom from a net cafe when I got to the station, and she emailed me right back with an answer: The hill with the snail is Schlossberg, so I wouldn't have any trouble finding it.

And so I went there-- and the

snail is still there! Just the same, except now it takes euros. Sheesh, it is even sillier-looking than I remembered.

The place had plenty of other interesting things. For instance, to go up the hill, I took a

train that went up a track tilted at more than a 45 degree angle. No one would feel comfortable leaning that far back for the whole ride, so it was set up with the seats perfectly level, just the rest of the train tilted. It struck me as a cross between a train and an elevator.

The castle there is just

ruins , but there is a lovely

clock tower , and a great view of the rest of Graz.

Sun 6/15 11:07

Wow, I did a lot this morning. First I went to

Schloss Eggenberg . There was an interesting-looking exhibit inside, but for some reason I just felt like walking around outside the palace for a while.

There were lots and lots of peacocks in the gardens-- walking

on the path , sitting

on statues and

walls by the entrance ... there was even a

white peacock perched on some kind of art display. I loved it.

Then I went to the

"island" that has been built recently in the river. I wanted to see what was there, and I found that there were some bleachers like a little

theater , and then a sort of bar or

restaurant under a

weird-looking roof .

Finally I went to the

armory , where there was a display of ridiculous numbers of guns and swords and suits of armor. One was supposed to take off one's shoes and walk through on a red carpet made out of pieces of clothing.

All in all, it was very unusual. Just the way I like my vacations!

20:51

Only a few more weeks to go. One more regular week, starting tomorrow... and then the week with all the final exams... and then a free week for me, when I can hang out, read, go on day trips or whatever suits me.

Then I get on my train on July 7, arrive in Amsterdam on July 8, sleep at the airport hotel, and catch my plane home on the morning of July 9.

I am very ready for all of this. I have given all the presentations I will have to give, written my paper for Aesthetics, studied the practice questions for the Fin-de-Siecle test, reserved places on the trains to Amsterdam, and even done a lot of packing.

I wonder why I am always so eager for the next big change. When I'm planning to go on a long trip, I can't wait for the day I leave, and when I'm planning to come back, I can't wait for that either. I look forward each year to both the beginning of the school term and the beginning of summer vacation. And I love each of the four seasons, but I hate the little transitional times in between them, where I have to wait and wait for the world to get settled into its next phase.

It's strange because I don't generally like the idea of change. I value consistency, ritual, security-- when I think of my ideal life, I imagine living in the same place and doing the same work forever.

Maybe it's an urge to get past the change, to get it over with, and settle into the next long period of relative consistency. Whether it's a season, a school year, a vacation, a time abroad or a time at home, I'm happiest at the beginning of one of these settled periods, and least comfortable at the end, when I know things will soon change. All I can do at those times is look forward to the next beginning.

Wed 6/18 14:10

This weekend I am planning a trip to Partnachklamm, a beautiful gorge in Garmisch-Partenkirchen. The weather here has been hot, and I remember Partnachklamm being nice and cool when I went there with Mom years ago. I remember walking alongside a river between two high cliffs, where there were lots of interesting rock formations to look at, and we would pass occasional waterfalls or little trickles of water running down the cliff into the river.

The water was freezing... there was one place where it was pumped into some kind of little channel and tourists were invited to step in and see how long they could stand the cold. That is the kind of area I want to be in this weekend.

Thu 6/19 15:38

Today is some sort of holiday, and the Central College office and most stores seem to be closed, but there was a festival on the Donauinsel and I went and checked out the things people were selling there.

I bought some rings, a bracelet and a pair of earrings. The earrings were French hooks and my ears aren't pierced, but I've found that I can easily bend a French hook and make it into an ear cuff. The look is a bit different, but an ear cuff doesn't need a hole and doesn't pinch like a clip-on earring.

I've found out what trains I have to take to get to Partnachklamm, and I reserved a place on the one that is a night train. I get on that one tomorrow night, get out in Munich early in the morning, and take a regional train to Garmisch-Partenkirchen. Then there is a ski lift or something to go up the mountain to where I can hike the gorge. I'm looking forward to it.

20:30

Well, now I'm looking forward to it even more. My roommate is having five extra people stay in the dorm for, as I understand it, the whole rest of the semester.

I don't know how they're going to sleep, because I doubt five sleeping bags will fit on our floor even without walking space. But I suppose we'll manage somehow. At any rate, someone can use my bed while I'm in Garmisch-Partenkirchen.

I went back to the festival and bought more jewelry. I am way over budget for this week now. But I just suddenly felt like being completely extravagant for once. Maybe tomorrow I'll buy a pretty dress. I really haven't bought much in Europe so far, except food.

I asked my roommate what holiday it is, and she told me it is "Frohleichnam." That sounds as if it means "Happy Dead Body," but I've never heard of it and she couldn't tell me any more. She says it's not celebrated where she comes from, and she doesn't know anything about it.

I suppose it is a Catholic holiday. I was raised Catholic, and we used to celebrate some Catholic holidays at home, but not anywhere near all of them-- there are so many. Since coming to Austria, a mainly Catholic nation, I have learned about a great many holidays I had never heard of before.

Fri 6/20 18:10

At the end of aesthetics class today I turned in my paper and the Zeugnis. It turned out a Zeugnis is necessary for aesthetics class, after all, even though there is no test. The prof says I can pick it up in early July... at latest, on the fourth.

Then, after class, I went and splurged like crazy on sexy clothes, shoes, a handbag, a belt. I now have about six or seven new tops, all tight-fitting and revealing... suede shoes with medium heels and pointy toes... and a leather snakeskin-patterned bag with a shoulder strap, that holds my little green purse and all the stuff that was in my belt pack.

The belt I bought was a disappointment-- it was a metal chain, but the chain links came apart when I pulled it through my belt loops. I guess it was made for wearing as a decoration over a dress, and wasn't given a bit more strength than was necessary for that use. Too bad. It sure looked cool.

I'm not sure what brought on this sudden urge to do away with my old sloppy-looking image, to trade the oversized t-shirts and plain tennies for provocative tank tops and sexy leather shoes, the belt pack for a purse, the glasses for contacts (at least, I'm wearing my contacts now, though the glasses are in my bag). I guess it's true that one's lifestyle can change hugely from traveling abroad. Of course, I don't know how much I will actually wear these clothes, for how long, and I certainly hope I don't stop being a nerd at heart.

I think I misunderstood about how long my roommate's guests would be staying. As I understand it now, they will actually be gone by the time I get back from Partnachklamm on Sunday. That's a relief.

I'm sitting at the station with nothing to do while I wait for it to be 23:30 or whatever time my train is coming. I can't do anything involving money-- I am already so far over budget that I will have to spend 26.85 less than usual per week for five weeks in order to make up for it. I can't go out with my friends-- at least, they aren't answering their phones. I didn't think to bring a book. I certainly have time to go back to my dorm and get one, but I might run into my roommate and her friends and I wouldn't know what to talk about with them.

Well, that's not a good excuse. Maybe I will go back to my dorm for a while.

21:30

ARGH.

I ended up going back to the festival and buying MORE jewelry, and then when I was waiting for the streetcar to my dorm, my sexy clothes were suddenly successful: a guy came up to me, said I looked really nice, and got on the streetcar with me. I was polite and friendly, as it is my nature to be, and he kept insisting we had to meet before I went back to the US. We wound up in a cafe having tea, and he somehow got a promise out of me to go to another cafe on Thursday.

I am too bloody agreeable! Yes, I was a LITTLE reasonable... when he made it clear that he would like to get me in bed, I told him equally clearly that I couldn't do that unless I knew him better, and that I would go to a cafe with him on Thursday but he couldn't expect it to go any farther than that. And he agreed to that. But I should have just said "no, I don't want to meet you again!"

Because I don't! I am the type who hopes to get to know someone as a friend, gradually fall in love, and then, maybe, start getting physical. He is obviously the type who thinks of sex first of all. Neither of us is going to get satisfied by spending any more time together, and acting as if I consider him my type is just going to prolong the discomfort for both of us.

How do I get into these situations? If I don't want to get hit on, why did I go buy a whole bunch of attractive clothes and jewelry and crap? Why do I daydream so much about guys being attracted to me and then just panic when it happens? Why do I say yes when I'm thinking no? I can't believe myself. I can't wait until my train comes and I am out of here, for the weekend, at least.

Sat 6/21 7:07

I am calmer now. I slept very well on the train-- better than I usually sleep even in a real bedroom. I didn't wake up once in the night and I don't remember having any dreams.

8:52

I have taken the regional train from the Munich central station to the

Garmisch-Partenkirchen station and am waiting for the bus. It should take me to a ski lift that will go up the mountain to Partnachklamm.

11:49

Well, I had a nice long ride up the mountain in a

cable car . Lots of photo opportunities. I had a

great view , and once in a while I would see

another cable car coming back the other way, and in the window facing me, there was a

reflection of the red roofs of the buildings in the valley behind me. The higher up I got, the more spectacular the

mountain views .

Then I hiked down into the gorge and got a room in a hotel called Forsthaus Graseck on the mountainside. I'm in my hotel room now. I will eat lunch and then hike the rest of the way to the bottom of the gorge and along the river. Then I'll come back and spend the night here.

14:43

Did I finish the walk through the gorge that fast? 14:43... it's only about 3 hours since my last entry.

But I did it. And it was amazing. A long

path down, and then, as I remembered, a

raging river between

steep cliffs , with waterfalls

trickling down the mountain or

showering droplets over the path. The path alongside the river was a

tunnel in the cliff, sometimes enclosed, with

openings here and there to look out on the river-- sometimes with one side fully open, and the "ceiling" just an

overhang of rock over the path.

It was beautiful. I remain frustrated with my camera for not doing it justice. I wonder why I have more desire to photograph things than to sit for a while and look at them, which would impress a truer picture on my memory. But I am such an exhibitionist-- every experience I ever have needs to be preserved for others to see, visually when possible, and if not, then in my diary. Knowledge is so important to me that it is a tragedy for even a bit of it to be lost forever. I wish the world could know everything I've ever done or thought... not while I'm alive, but someday, centuries from now.

And when I try sitting and looking at something for a while, I get bored. My way is to look at things quickly, and I think I am actually left with as strong a memory and emotional response as if I sat looking for a long time. Just as a camera can get a lasting picture from a split second of exposure, I gain a lasting memory-- and a deep sense of awe and beauty-- from just a glance at something like the cliffs at Partnachklamm. I fed myself a dozen of those glances every minute, rushing through the tunnel... and came out exhausted from the thrill, like getting off one of the more intense rides at the state fair.

Afterwards , I took a

cable car back up to the hotel. There was a sign in the cable car saying something along the lines of "please don't pull the door handle during the ride," first in German and then horribly translated into English. The German word for "please" also means "request," which seems to have caused some confusion there. I think it's understandable in this case that I just had to take a

picture .

Sun 6/22 11:23

I had been planning to come back in the afternoon today, not being sure how long it would take me to get up and get breakfast and get from Hotel Graseck into the city. But it ended up going rather quickly. I took the Graseckbahn-- the hotel's special cable car, the one with the bad translation-- down the mountain, and then I was going to walk into town, but a horse-drawn carriage stopped and gave me a ride for two euros.

That got me as far as the Skistadion bus stop, and I took the bus from there to the train station, where I found a train just about to leave for Munich. I'm on the train now. I'm sure that when I'm in Munich I can find a train to Vienna soon enough.

15:11

Well, not as soon as I expected. I just got on a train minutes ago, and it won't leave until 15:26. I had to sit around in Munich for a long time being bored.

This weekend I have managed to stay within my budget, though. That's a good thing.

17:12

The first two hours of the train ride sure went fast. I had a nice long conversation with a couple from Ohio who happened to be sitting near me. They were interested in Asperger's syndrome and Tourette's syndrome, and we found a lot to talk about.

They got out in Salzburg. We exchanged addresses so we can keep in touch. Now I am alone for three more hours.

Mon 6/23 8:53

I got back to Vienna okay. Now my finals week starts. At 11:30 I have my theater test, then the Fin-de-Siecle test in the evening. Tomorrow night there's a final for Romantic Lit, the next night a final for 20th Century Lit, and on Friday a "final discussion" for Aesthetics. Then the semester is over.

I haven't gone on the internet for several days. I hope no one has written anything urgent to me. I doubt it. But I'm still looking forward to checking my email, and emailing my friends about my latest trip.

Tue 6/24 14:10

Finals yesterday went well. Only trouble: I forgot to ask the Fin-de-Siecle professor when and where to pick up the Zeugnis after he writes my grade on it, and on Friday when I handed in the Aesthetics Zeugnis, I remembered to ask when and forgot to ask where. But I gather that all philosophy Zeugnisse follow the same rules, so if I can just find out where they are picked up, I will be okay.

The group had a big dinner together in a restaurant last night. Many are leaving in the next few days. I will miss them!

I have decided, on advice of friends, not to meet the guy on Thursday. And I am going back to my old image, at least for now. My new look was beautiful, but it just caused me trouble.

I must get something to eat. And study for the Romantic Lit test tonight.

Wed 6/25 23:10

I am relaxed now. I did the Romantic Lit test yesterday, and the 20th Century Lit test today, and I think I did satisfactorily, though not perfectly, on both of them.

All I have left now is the final discussion for Aesthetics on Friday. I doubt it is highly important to our grades... I think the important stuff was the presentation and the paper. So if I can't think of much to discuss, it probably won't be a disaster.

I'll try my best, though.

Fri 6/27 17:38

Yay! I'm totally done with classes! And the discussion went just fine. And now I know where to pick up the Zeugnisse for the philosophy classes. And I had a nice dinner with some of the group last night, and I got on the internet today and made some revisions on my webpages, and this weekend I think I will go to Salzburg.

Sat 6/28 11:38

I'm on a train to Salzburg now. I'm not sure what I'll do in Salzburg... maybe just relax. I'm kind of exhausted from having just finished the semester.

I might go to the salt mine, though, because I haven't been there since I was a little kid, and I didn't get to see it when we went to Salzburg from Prien.

But it might be crowded... in fact, everything might be crowded; from the number of people in the train, it seems like a popular time to travel in this direction.

15:18

It's true... there was only one single room left in the 15-floor hotel I found. And things seem more expensive in Salzburg. An hour at the internet cafe is five euros, while it's about three at the cafes on the University of Vienna campus... and a night in this hotel is over a hundred euros, while a night at the Graseck in Garmisch-Partenkirchen or at the Ibis in Graz is only about sixty.

Maybe it's just because it's close to the station. There's a net cafe at Wien Westbahnhof that's 6.60 an hour. But then, the Ibis is right next to the Graz central station, and it's still cheaper.

Well, might as well enjoy my stay in the expensive hotel, whatever reasons it has for costing so much. Wonder what's on TV.

18:31

I watched Star Trek Deep Space Nine and Voyager until six, and now I'm waiting for my pesto pasta in the restaurant. I don't think I will do any sightseeing this weekend. This trip is just to use up Eurailpass days and to relax.

Amazing how relaxing I find traveling by myself, considering how inexperienced I am with it. I hope I get to do some in the US, too, after I get home. The trains there aren't as easy to use, but there are Greyhound buses and stuff.

Sun 6/29 10:48

There was a really good breakfast at the hotel. Now I'm on my way back to Vienna. I slept well, but I'm still sleepy. And there isn't a comfortable sleeping position in this train seat. Wish I'd brought my neck pillow.

14:17

I'm back at my dorm now, with lots of things to do over the next few days.

I have to go to the Meldeamt with my Meldezettel and get it registered that I am leaving this area. I have to pick up my Zeugnisse and send them to Ruth at the Central College Office. I have to go to the UPS office and ship some of my bags home. I have to get a hold of Lotte and plan to give her my laptop, because I have realized it is not the kind of laptop I want in the long run, and it would be cumbersome to carry home, and Lotte and her family could use another computer.

But I think this is a good point to end the journal, because those things are just little final technicalities and formalities. All the stuff you really want to know about my semester in Europe, I've already said.